Frodo's Worst Nightmare
by Drakena the Destroyer
Summary: This is a really weird story. I like Frodo so much that I enjoy bugging him! I also made a few and hopefully better changes to Chapt. 2. Rated PG for language and weird stuff. WARNING: 2nd chapter contains movie Arwen bashing!
1. Default Chapter

Title: Frodo's Worst Nightmare  
Written By: Drakena Spy Dragoness  
Genre: Humour/General  
Rating: PG for insanity and language  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. All Rings characters belong to Tolkien.  
Author's Note: This is going to be a little weird, but it might be an interest to Frodo fans. Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt Frodo, I'm just going to yank his chain! Frodo will look just like Elijah Wood from the new movie, so I find it cute when he is scared to death. Some of this story will be making fun of a part of Shrek ((c) DreamWorks), and I'm not telling which part! Enjoy! ~_0  
  
It was October six in the Shire, and one hobbit was having a bad day. Frodo Baggins was feeling the side effects from the night he got stabbed at Weathertop years ago. His face was all pale and his blue eyes were staring far off, he even shivered when he was in the warmth of his hobbit hole. As Sam suggested, Frodo went to his room to get some rest.   
  
'A little bit of shut eye should work,' Frodo thought to himself. He closed the door behind him when he entered and he took off his trousers and his over vest, he wore only his tunic. He slipped under the sheets on the mattress, closed his eyes and snoozed off. As he slept, he began to dream very deeply.  
  
Frodo stood in a dark place that seemed to be Moria. He was all alone, where were Sam, Merry and Pippin along with the rest of the fellowship? The dark halls stank of rotting dead, there was no light to be seen. Frodo looked at himself to see he was fully dressed and Sting in its sheath on his belt.  
  
"What the hell?" Frodo asked out loud. No answer came to him.   
  
"This has to be crazy, the War of the Ring has ended for crying out loud!" He felt for a chain and a Ring around his neck, but nothing was there. "Why am I here? WHY AM I HERE?! I FINISHED THE DAMN QUEST ALREADY! I DON'T NEED TO BE HERE!" Frodo's shouts echoed around, then he heard a large growl.  
  
Yards away from him, Frodo could see a tall, dark beast charging out of the shadows toward him. The beast had a flaring mane, large, dark wings, glowing eyes, and it held a sword of fire and a long whip, just like the Balrog Gandalf fought on the bridge. One look at the Balrog, Frodo decided to run for his life as fast as he could go. When Frodo ran away, the Balrog chased him.  
  
"I am going to die!" Frodo screamed to himself. He ran down the passage until he found a door that could take him to safety. Desperate to escape, he pulled the handle, pushed against and even kicked the door, but no luck. Frodo had to be a strong man like Aragorn to open the heavy door, but he wasn't.   
  
'Looks like I have to face the Balrog,' the hobbit thought sadly. Frodo turned around to see the Balrog towering over him. His blue eyes widened as he stared up at the demon that stood before him. 'Think you fool!' he told himself. 'Use your head to get out of this!'  
  
The Balrog snarled and Frodo saw the gleam of white fangs. "Those are nice teeth you got there!" Frodo yelled with a nervous grin from ear to ear. The Balrog stopped growling and stared when it heard Frodo speak.  
  
"You might hear this from your victims, but you got a great smile that brings out your eyes!" Frodo continued. "I think you have good hygiene too!" The Balrog smiled, sheathed its sword and bent over, face very close to Frodo.   
  
Frodo noticed that the Balrog had a curvy shape and long eyelashes as it came close to him, the Balrog was a Balrogess! "Oh, you're a lady Balrog!" Frodo chuckled. "Of course you're a lady! You just have a fair beauty like all the other ladies I have seen!" The Balrogess blinked several times, eyes glowing a soft yellow.  
  
"What are you staring at?" Frodo asked. The Balrogess blew a smoke ring at the hobbit like a woman blowing a kiss. Frodo coughed when the smoke was around him, "I guess you want to blow smoke rings, but I forgot my pipe. So we can't have a smoking contest." Then he saw the Balrogess reach for him. "Hey, what are you doing?!" The next thing was that he was being snatched off the ground and the Balrogess carried him away. Her fingers pinched Frodo's entire cloak and the hobbit just hanged in mid air from the Balrogess' hand.  
  
'I'm so dead,' Frodo thought. 'What is she planning to do to me? Eat me? Burn me to crisp?' He questioned himself until the Balrogess brought him into a large chamber of stone. The Balrogess set Frodo down softly on a pile of debris and then she lit up the torches that were in a row on the stone wall. Frodo sat still and watched the female demon's every move with his blue eyes. He became even more pale when he saw the Balrogess tower over him.  
  
The Balrogess purred at Frodo and smiled. She took her whip and wrapped it around the hobbit. Frodo squirmed, but stopped, he did not want to make the Balrogess angry. He saw the Balrogess' face up close to his.  
  
"Lady," Frodo said, "'tis not that I don't like you, but I'm really not your type." The Balrogess nuzzled him, he felt the warmth of her skin. "Now what are you trying to do?" Hot saliva from a big, red tongue sizzled on Frodo's skin and soaked his clothes and dark curls. "Ouch, damn your spit is hot!" The Balrogess ignored him and continued licking.  
  
"Please knock it off," the hobbit pleaded. "I'm not a sex object for you Balrogs!" Then the Balrogess was lightly nibbling on the fur of his feet. "Stop that! You're going to burn off my foot fur!" The Balrogess puckered her red lips.  
  
'Will the Gods have mercy on me?' Frodo asked himself. The Balrogess had her lips close to Frodo's head...  
  
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" He shouted out and snapped out of his deep sleep. Frodo's breathing was harsh, a cold sweat broke out of his pale face, his blue eyes were wider than ever [as if his eyes would pop out of their sockets]. He found himself back in his room, safe and sound.  
  
"Mr. Frodo, what's wrong?!" Sam burst the door open to see what was going on. The gardener's face full of worry.  
  
Frodo, realizing his tunic was open, pulled the blankets up to his chin. "Nothing, dear Sam. I just had a bad dream, no need to worry about me!"  
  
Sam nodded and closed the door. Frodo was left alone with his thoughts.  
  
'This wound is driving me to hell. I definitely need a vacation.' Frodo fell back asleep again, but the dream he had was more worst than the last.  
  
He stood in a room that was all white, there were no other objects within. Frodo walked around a little bit until he learned that there was no exit. Then, he heard footsteps behind him. He turned around to see a human girl. She had to be fifteen years of age, her eyes were like dark forests, her hair was dark brown and dropped to her shoulders. The girl was clad in a black shirt and pants, she walked up to Frodo, a cruel smile upon her face.  
  
"Who are you?" Frodo asked.  
  
The girl laughed, "You silly hobbit! I am the author of this story, and I'm going to drive you insane! My name is Drakena, also known as the Dragoness of Doom!"  
  
"Dragoness of Doom? What do you mean by story?"  
  
"I was called that for a joke, but now I use the name when I'm in a bad mood. What I mean by story, is that I'm writing about you going crazy."  
  
"Uh... You don't look like a Dragoness, so are you in a good mood? Why are you trying to torture me?"  
  
Drakena laughed again. "Dragoness of Doom is a name I'm called by when I'm angry, and I love it when you go nuts!" She grinned.  
  
"Nuts?"  
  
"You really make me laugh! I'm using modern slang that is making you lose your mind! Just wait and see what I got in mind for you, I'm going to make you mad!"  
  
"You're evil!" Frodo ran to one of the white walls and started pounding and screaming. "I WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE! I DON'T DESERVE THIS!"  
  
Drakena walked in fluid motion toward Frodo. "You are so cute when you panic." She cackled a few times.  
  
Frodo turned around to see the teenager come at him and all went black...  
  
He gasped out for air as he sat up straight. Frodo's wide, blue eyes moved from side to side. He was out of his second dream and back in reality. The hobbit got out of bed and stood in front of his mirror. All what he saw was himself, the nest of dark curls on his head, his light skin, elfin features, skinny frame and the sapphire blue eyes that were windows to his soul.  
  
"I think I should sail over the sea," he said to himself. He got dressed and walked out of his room to get some fresh air.  
  
~Fin  
  
End Note: Yes, I did some self insertion and I am kinda cruel to poor Frodo, but I love it when guys panic. What? Elijah Wood looks cute when he's freaked out, and that makes writing fics about Frodo going crazy fun! 


	2. Sailing Plans and Dreams of Evil

Frodo's Worst Nightmare   
Chapter 2: The Sailing Plans and Dreams of Evil  
  
Note: This chapter will contain Xen-Arwen bashing, it will be part of the next bad dream. As I should explain, I like both the book and movie, but I pretend that Arwen never did rescue Frodo in the film version. This fic will go by the book and the nightmares make fun of the movie parts that were different from the book. I decided to write another chapter to my fic because I got a few good reviews. It won't sound funny at first, but it will be great later on. This time, the fun really builds! **giggles**   
  
Frodo walked down the halls of Bag End from his room to the kitchen. There, he saw Sam and Rosie having their tea time at the table. As Frodo walked in, Sam looked at him, smiling.  
  
"How was your rest, Mr. Frodo?" Sam asked.  
  
"Scary," Frodo replied.   
  
"A bad dream I'll wager?"  
  
"More like a nightmare." Frodo rubbed the weariness from his blue eyes.  
  
"You look a little weak from your rest, Master Baggins," said Rosie. "Maybe a little bit of tea will help?"  
  
"Thanks Rosie." Frodo sat down as Rosie poured some tea for him.  
  
"Are you feeling better sir?" Sam asked.  
  
"Yes," Frodo replied after he sipped his tea. "I think by tomorrow this illness will pass away, but that won't end. I will just become ill again after a while."  
  
"That is serious." Sam scratched his chin. "If the Elvin magic wasn't fading away, there would be a cure."  
  
Frodo sighed. "True, I might have to sail to the undying lands if I don't want to be effected by the old wounds." When Frodo saw a sign of sadness in Sam's eyes, he looked down at the hand where one finger was missing.  
  
"Do you really plan on doing that?"  
  
"Maybe, Sam. I might wait to make my final decision on that." Frodo looked at Sam and Rose, who were gazing back silently. He drank more of his tea and said nothing. For the rest of the day, Frodo was in the study, writing down notes for Bilbo's Red Book.  
  
Later that night, after Sam and Rosie went to bed, Frodo collapsed on his bed, spreading his arms and legs out. He stared up at the ceiling, his mind racing through what memories he had about his nightmares. Feeling tired, Frodo removed his over vest and tunic and slipped under the blankets. He looked at the small scar on his left shoulder, the cold stinging was fading off after killing him so badly. After staring at his scar, Frodo closed his wide blue eyes, he slept and he dreamed.  
  
Frodo opened his eyes to see he was riding a large, white horse. He was wrapped up in his coat and cloak, the hood over his head. He was riding at the Ford!  
  
"Hold on, Frodo," a soft voice of a woman said, "we'll be there!"  
  
"What the?" Frodo turned his head to see Arwen behind him on the horse. "Arwen! What are you doing here? I thought Glorfindel helped me!"  
  
"I have no clue what you're talking about," she replied. "Hold on, there are Ring wraiths chasing us!"  
  
"Ring wraiths?! The War of the Ring is over! All the Ring wraiths are dead!" Frodo looked at the surroundings, the he saw black cloaked riders on black horses coming up beside the white horse. "Never mind."  
  
The white horse leaped across the river and turned around. On the opposite side, nine black riders on nine black horses came to stop and glared back at Frodo and Arwen.  
  
"Give him to us!" the riders whispered.  
  
Arwen drew out her blade, "If you want him, come and claim him!"  
  
The riders looked at each other, the leader drew out its sword and reflected the sunlight at the sky. Frodo heard a loud roar, then he saw the Balrogess from Moria fly over the trees. The female demon landed on Frodo's side of the river, the horse reared up on its hind legs in fright. Frodo gripped the smoke grey mane, fearing that he would fall off as Arwen tried to take control of the horse.  
  
'This cannot be,' Frodo's thoughts cried. 'Balrogs don't come out in the day!'  
  
The Balrogess towered over the white horse and its riders, hot saliva dripped from her jaws. Frodo gazed up to see the look of hunger on the Balrogess' face. Arwen pointed her blade at the Balrogess but she was swiped off the horse by a large claw. The Balrogess battered Arwen around like a rag doll, Frodo watched in horror as Arwen disappeared into the Balrogess' mouth. The female demon burped after she gobbled down her meal, coughed up the Elvin blade, and she flew off.  
  
"BY THE VALAR!" Frodo screamed. "YOU KILLED ARWEN!" Cackles from the riders touched Frodo's ears, then he saw that he and the white horse were surrounded by Nazgul.  
  
"Remove the hood of your cloak!" The leader demanded.  
  
"You remove yours!" Frodo argued.  
  
"You first!"  
  
"No, you first!"  
  
"At the same time!" The leader gave a signal to the others, and they all pulled back their hoods as Frodo removed his. Frodo looked at the riders to see that they were all human girls. The leader was the same girl who was in the white room from Frodo's second dream.  
  
"You!" Frodo cried.  
  
"Oh, so you remember me!" The lead girl, Drakena, squealed. "I guess I should tell you how I'm causing hell for you. Very well, I get to control your nightmares whenever you become ill. I really have lots of fun with you!"  
  
Frodo shivered, "Does that lady Balrog serve you?"  
  
"Yes, Malture can be very playful at times, but she is handy."  
  
"What do you want with me? I'm just a hobbit!"  
  
"Oh meijhana, we don't want to hurt you! Now get off your mount."  
  
Frodo's pale face burned red with anger. "Forget it, I'm not doing what you say. Most of all, I don't understand the word you called me."  
  
"Playing tough, eh? Then we'll have to force you." The girls got off their horses and pulled Frodo off his mount.  
  
"Take your hands off me you witches!" Frodo hissed. He struggled but there were too many girls grabbing his arms.  
  
"Behave now," Drakena warned, "you don't want Malture comming back here."  
  
"Alright, I'll behave! Just quit pinching!"  
  
"You want us to quit pinching? Then we'll tickle attack!" The girls ran their fingers very quickly on the back of Frodo's neck, under his arms, and the bottom of his feet.  
  
"Stop it, please!" Frodo begged as he laughed. "I can't take it!" Frodo laughed so hard from the tickling, tears dripped out of his eyes.  
  
"Should we stop? I think he's had enough," one girl said.  
  
"Not yet," another replied. "He looks cute this way!" They all giggled.  
  
"What's so funny about this?" Frodo asked.  
  
"Shansu," Drakena said in a bittersweet tone. "We are just driving you mad."  
  
"You're evil! EVIL!" Frodo tried to fight his way to escape, but the black cloaked girls had a good grip on him.  
  
"Evil! Evil!" Frodo rolled around, fighting imaginary girls, then a warm hand touched his cold arm.  
  
"Mr. Frodo wake up," Sam's voice whispered. "You were having a nightmare!" Frodo opened his blue eyes and looked into Sam's brown eyes.  
  
"Oh Samwise," Frodo whimpered. "It was so horrible, these girls were attacking me and a Balrog killed Arwen!" He wrapped his arms around Sam's waist. "I was so scared!"  
  
"Peace, Frodo. It's alright, you're safe. Nothing shall harm you." Samwise held Frodo tight, keeping his friend calm. He looked at Rosie standing at the doorway, holding an oil lamp.  
  
"Is Master Frodo alright?" Rosie asked. "He sounded very frightened."  
  
"He's fine now, he just had a bad dream." Sam noticed that Frodo had no shirt on. "My goodness, Frodo's so cold."  
  
Rosie set the lamp down on the night table and removed her night shawl from her shoulders. "Here, this will keep him warm." She handed her shawl to Sam and he wrapped it around Frodo.  
  
Frodo smiled slightly, "My thanks for your comforts. It was such a horrible dream."  
  
Sam stroked that dark curls on Frodo's head, "Don't think about it, you just get warm."  
  
"Yes, Sam. I'll try."  
  
"Lie down and rest, Rose and I will be here if those dreams bother you." Sam smiled and tucked Frodo in like a mother would to a child. "We're here Frodo, don't you worry."  
  
Frodo smiled back and nodded. He closed his eyes and slept off into a dream again.  
  
He was lying still, feeling all weary and tired. Frodo's blue eyes searched around his dark room, he was alone. He searched every shadow until some movement in the darkness caught his eye. A tall figure in a black cloak walked toward the end of his bed. Frodo shuddered as he saw Ring wraith staring at him.  
  
The Ring wraith's cloak was removed to reveal the young girl. "Hello, meijhana," she said. "Nice to see you."  
  
"Get away from me," Frodo hissed. "I no longer want to be bothered by you!"  
  
"Oh, but I enjoy bothering you!"   
  
"AHHHHHHHHHH!" Frodo snapped out of dream to find himself awake in the mourning.  
  
"Did you have a nightmare again?" Sam asked.  
  
"Yes," Frodo replied.  
  
"Was it horrible?"  
  
"Scary."  
  
Sam laughed, "Must of been bad, but that is over and done with. 'Tis mourning now, Rose is making breakfast, I'll let you get up and dressed for the day." The gardener walked out of the room, leaving Frodo alone.  
  
'I made it through yesterday!' Frodo told himself. 'Those nightmares are over!' He got up, dressed and he dashed out of his room to the kitchen where Sam and Rose waited for him.  
  
~The End  
  
End Note: So I was mean to poor Frodo there, so bite me if I use cruelty for my own pleasure. The strange language I used was the Old Tongue (c) Jennifer Roberson. Yes, the Balrogess has a name, and she was useful to bash the movie Arwen. Give me a review! Thank you! ;) 


End file.
